Pseudo versus Solid Self

“True belonging does not require that we change who we are; it requires that we be who we are” – Brene Brown.

True connection requires transparency. Transparency requires honesty, with yourself and with others. Honesty requires courage and vulnerability. Everything builds on something. Part 1 of my 5 part “awakening to connection”, is all about awareness. Awareness is always the first step to making change. I want to be clear, bringing to light some of the ways we operate in the world is not always an easy task. So be easy on yourself. Have compassion for yourself. You aren’t perfect- and that’s amazing- because perfect is so boring!

Solid Self

We all have a solid self. This is the no-bullshit, authentic part of ourselves, also know as our truth. This is where the mess and the magic of being human reside. We often hide this part of ourselves out of fear of being judged or “not fitting in”. In your solid self, you call the shots and your beliefs are formed and chosen independent of external forces. (This doesn’t mean you can’t compromise FYI, but you are clear on your non-negotiables and are willing to have conversations when disagreements take place). When you are acting from your solid self, you listen to your own voice, and you stand up for it. It’s truth, power, courage, vulnerability and the birthplace of true connection. The solid self is the only place where true belonging can exist from.  Big risk, even bigger reward.

Pseudo Self

We also ALL have a pseudo self. It’s the mask we put on when we go out into the world to protect us from getting hurt. The pseudo self is the part of ourselves that seeks approval and validation. It’s riddled with fear, and it doesn’t ever want to “rock the boat”. For some it’s just part of your everyday routine. Shower, walk the dog, make coffee, put on your pseudo mask and go out into the world protecting yourself from judgments and discomfort. It’s like a shield of protection and it does it’s job well- at the expense of YOU. We can fit in well when we wear this mask (that’s how it works), but we cannot find deep connection and true belonging with another if we are showing up in our pseudo self.

Part 1 exercise: Take inventory. (Pseudo and solid self)

Over the week, I challenge you to notice these two parts of yourself. If we want true connection, we must find the courage and begin to practice operating more from our solid self.  Think about your day and bring awareness to when, where and with whom you have the courage to be your solid self. What is this like? What helps you stay connected to your truth?

Where in life do you find that you operate more from your pseudo self? (work? Dating? With certain friends? With your partner? When there’s tension or discomfort?)

Now here’s your action challenge: What would it look like to be more solid? Where is one area of your life where you can practice getting more connected to your solid self? What do you need to let go of or invite in, in order to operate from your solid self?

Which part of yourself are you going to let run the show? 



One thought on “Pseudo versus Solid Self”

  1. Aarti Hugar says:

    completely agreed

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